I was really struggling then too. I didn’t have anyone to talk to because everyone seemed to have all their stuff together except me. If only we had known, we could have probably really helped each other. —Jennifer A. Villwock, MD
Explore This IssueJune 2019
I recently gave a local TEDx talk. Some of what I said you might have read before in my last wellness column (ENTtoday. 2018;13:1). Some of it was new. The gist of the talk was about the importance of the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences, illustrated by examples from my life as a surgeon. Some people told me my talk moved them to tears. Several that knew me during the difficult stages in my life that I talked about said, “I was really struggling then too. I didn’t have anyone to talk to because everyone seemed to have all their stuff together except me. If only we had known, we could have probably really helped each other.” I didn’t say anything that most of us haven’t experienced. I just peeled back a tiny bit of one of my casts.
So what happens if you don’t take a cast off or if you don’t know how? It gets itchy. Probably a little smelly too. The strength underneath can atrophy, the skin turning pale. As time progresses, it can take not only an increasing amount of effort, but also courage, to try and take off the cast. Because of this, we may elect to accept the itch. I wonder if more of us were willing to peel back our casts with an attitude of, “Hey, look at this. Isn’t this strange, but also normal considering what we’ve been through? Won’t it be cool to watch this limb rehabilitate and be strong again?”—would we all be healthier as a community?
Because the location and substance of our casts can be so different, generic one-size-fits-all wellness advice can fall short. For example, online wellness modules are typically not universally well received. At best, one size fits some. Additionally, this type of well-intentioned advice can be counterproductive. If you absolutely cannot sit still, hearing that you need to do sitting meditation daily may just create stress and angst and another plaster layer on your cast as you try to comply. Similarly, I dislike running; my marathon-running partner is my exercise-kryptonite. The “couples who sweat together, stay together” mantra does not apply to us; trying to follow it would harm our relationship.
Do you know where your casts end and your own skin begins? As you head to bed and reflect on your day, maybe catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, do you ever get that nagging sensation that you’re not who you wanted to be? Great news! This is your own subtle call to action and tomorrow is another opportunity to be the better person you had hoped you would be today. The only question now is what to do with that sensation. Perhaps consider answering the following questions for yourself and experiment with implementing the answers in your own life: